How do you find that spark of an idea when everything sounds good?

Or worse, when every idea sounds so bad, you don’t even want to write them down on paper.

Last fall I was part of a fantastic poetry class that really inspired and motivated me to write consistently every day, even if I couldn’t come up with anything more than a few random words on the paper. I had a support structure built in to help pull me through hard days and find the truth behind my words. This experience was so impactful that I was sure I would be starting a Masters program at any moment. I had a plan, so I started the application process.

I sent out inquiry emails, called a few schools. I was making the plan, trying to decide where I wanted to go and attempting to define myself as a writer.

Then…the poetry class ended and I was on my own.

I lost momentum – I began to doubt myself, Procrastination set in.

It was at this point in time I started dating someone new, the whole relationship was thrilling and I began to see a world of possibility, but I still wasn’t writing and those applications began to collect dust and then he drops a bomb.

His company would be transferring him to Nevada by January, which was less than 4 weeks away. The relationship was new, only dating for a month when this happened I could have said goodbye and moved on.

BUT, I didn’t!

I picked up and moved to a new state!  I really just dropped everything but also felt like I was breaking out of my comfort zone. I was writing again but not nearly as much. Life kind of hit fast forward.

I still feel like I’m on a roller coaster of confusion. Getting a job and then quitting that job to “go back to school”. This time not for writing but for elementary education. I have been told by more than one person that I should work with children and I agree…sort of. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind that at all, but a big part of me still wants to just write but how do you make that a viable career? Most people feel it is just a good hobby and I need to think of something else to make money.

Don’t quit your day job…oops too late!

The master’s degree in Creative writing may still happen someday, and truthfully I hope it does. I may be 33 years old newly engaged and looking to start a family, but look at J.K. Rowling. If she can pull it off as a single mom scraping to make ends meet, then so can I!

O goodness I wish I felt as confident as that sentence looks.

At the moment I have at least three stories swimming around my head, bumping into each other, causing fights and generally making it hard to think for all the “great” ideas I have.  At some point, I will probably need to turn everything off and just write. Even if it never makes any sense and no one reads a word.

So, Where I am right now – confused and seeking inspiration.